brain of sarah jane

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 20:38:59 GMT

I haven't felt the way I feel today
in so long, it's hard for me to specify
I'm beginning to notice how much this feels like a waking limb
pins and needles, nice to know you
goodbye!

/users/keefey

Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise it all comes down.

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 22:16:27 GMT

Dearest PSATs,
1 0wnz0r j00!!1!1!1
egotistically yours,
-Sarah

My day is a race piece.

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 22:59:01 GMT

You launch off the dock, and suddenly you realize you're out in the boat and the trees are flame-red and orange and reflected off the river. The water is black and the sky is ashes and they're falling on you, freezing you. Killing you.

You want this.
You have to want this.

At the start. Are you ready?
You have to be.
Build up pressure, pressure, pressure. Build to full, take it up. That's all Theresa wants, that's all you want, that's all the boat wants.

Be effective, prove your place. Do you belong here?
You won't believe it unless you can prove it to yourself.

Why are you here? Because there's nothing else, there's nothing else.
You've caught up to second boat, but can you pass them? Ten, ten, ten. Why don't you have it? Take it up, take it up!

Your arms, back, shoulders are pulling, your legs are pushing, your blade is pushing, pushing the water by and the raindrops ripple in the puddles from the oars and the whole mess moves past you and passes behind the shell.
Quick breaths in, they burn down your throat and lungs to your legs, arms, back, wrists, feet...
Forget the pain! Stare forward, focus and move on!

You can't do it.
Fight back the tears. Don't lose it now.
If the machine loses one part, it's all over.
They say it's mental, but you never believe them.

You're past the pain, but wondering why you're here. Nothing else.
Who could want this?
You have to want this. Believe in it.
Why can't you pass them? You're supposed to. Do as you're told!

This is the feeling:
You're giving everything you have. There is nothing left.
Here's the catch: You're getting nowhere. You can't pass. Can't. Pass.
You are nothing, you can't do anything, you can't be here.
You're the problem. You don't belong in this boat.

The coxswain asks you if you want this, and through clenched teeth you say yes.

I wanna leave this mind and shout out loud

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 22:11:50 GMT

Dear Pearl Jam,
Today hurt. Help me.
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Listen to Riot Act.
Now go do your homework.
-Pearl Jam
PS. Free the West Memphis Three!

There goes the pop, there goes my ears

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 22:44:25 GMT

I worried and worried and worried all day about crew. You have no idea.
And then practice went amazingly well.

(and UNISUITS CAME TODAY!)

Now, if only this math test I have will go the same way...

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 23:10:38 GMT

Mark seatraced today. I can't believe he'd do that.

I'm so worried.

I've got to be next. If he'd consider switching Lauren out of first... wow. I'm so screwed. I still have no idea what I'm doing in the Legacy.

The only thing I can think of is the weight-adjusted erg scores, and even those can't be helping me so much that I'd be in the boat when Lauren isn't... right?!

I can't lose crew. Not now. I'm hanging on to first boat by a thread. I need to go to Head of the Charles. You have no idea. This season has been amazing for me, it can't end now. Everything can't get all fucked up at once!

Oh, it can, and it will.

It's great how I predict the worst, but when these things happen, I can never fucking accept it.
I'm not going to Charles. Say it enough and I'll get used to it.

Pearl jam will save me.
It's hilarious how familiar this is.

Froshy froshy froshyyy...

Question

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 02:27:12 GMT

What do you do when you're not good enough?

Sat, 09 Oct 2004 12:15:51 GMT

I am very very embarassed.
Help?

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 21:02:52 GMT

Edwin Morose is the cutest dead thing evar.

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 20:32:54 GMT

I DON'T WANT EVERYTHING.

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 21:59:38 GMT

Hi you,
I've got so much to ask you but everyone keeps getting in my way.
Yeah, that's it, I'll blame them.
Avoidantly yours,
Keefe

Worth a thousand words

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 22:18:11 GMT

This morning I put up this picture in my locker:

It makes me happy. I didn't take it, but I was there.
It's pretty self explanatory but if you want the story, ask me.

Why I was down today

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 22:47:06 GMT

Nothing I was thinking went right.
I always wish for the ideal, whatever the hell good that does, and today's situations were all wrong. I thought I knew what I would say and I thought I would say it.

Tomorrow's another day, I suppose.
Got to keep going.
Just useless blather about my own problems, which should not be brought up when so much is going wrong everywhere else.

Dear Self,
Die.
Signed,
Yourself

Landing gear detract for flight...

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 23:12:30 GMT

Dear Everyone,

If I die tomorrow, know that I died happy.

I don't think this world is a bad place... if things go your way.
There are good people, good times, good food, and good music.

I'm so happy that it hurts. I think I'm gonna cry.
(Damn caffeine.)

Float on,
-Keefe

Partying like a mofo at Riverfront Recapture

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 21:34:59 GMT

Have you been outside today?
Seriously, go check out the weather. It's amazing weather.
...for ROWING!

So, my rowing in first boat didn't bring about the Apocalypse, or kill anybody, or get me laughed at. Much.

Waiting for the race officials to call #181 up to start moving, I sat still and closed my eyes and shook my head and felt the ends coming loose and saw flashes of light.
You're so serious, it's just a race.

It was a long one.
I'd forgotten how long the fall races are.

It was a thinking race.
Working on set, slide control, blades.

It was a head race.
Pressure through the water, only against the clock.
Passing the fours, and trying to pull up towards #180, Greenwich. Would've passed them, too, if not for the freaking fours. Damn head race.

My last races were the short, intense sprint pieces, where you can feel East Lyme breathing down your neck and hear the other boats' coxswains screaming right near you. You know where you stand, too.
Here, we had to wait until we were off the water to find out the results of our event.

Today was good. I feel like I proved myself, somewhat. I helped, look.
That is to say, I still don't feel like I fit in. But I'm praying to my imaginary gods that Mark doesn't switch me out before the Charles, because I would die to go to the Charles.

Today. I gave it my all, and I had fun.
And we got second.
Crew is awesome.

Oh...

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 21:09:24 GMT

My home...
In Stoneham, accident shatters sense of calm

I can't breathe, I'm freezing cold, and I think I'm dying.

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 20:49:45 GMT

I have the personality of a rock. Probably less.

Trouble at home

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 14:51:35 GMT

Boston Globe: Twelve people hit by car in Stoneham

Daa, that's where I live. Er, lived.

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 02:34:42 GMT

I'm melting.

Ignore this stupid Pearl Jam ramble, please

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 01:54:14 GMT

Look what I found!

September 28, 2004 - Fleet Center; Boston, MA

Opening: Death Cab For Cutie, Gob Roberts

Ed solo before opening bands: Don't Be Shy, You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Set list: Release, Last Exit, Hail Hail, Save You, Do The Evolution, Dissident, The American in Me by The Avengers, Insignificance, Untitled, MFC, Given To Fly, Even Flow, (Howard Zinn introduced, comes on stage, and says "Stop the war") Down, Jeremy;

1st encore (acoustic): Low Light, Masters of War, Small Town, Last Kiss, Crazy Mary;
2nd encore: Love Boat Captain, Better Man, Bleed For Me by Dead Kennedys, Blood;
3rd encore: Alive

notes: Howard Zinn was on the stage during or after Down. Love Boat Captain is dedicated to Theo Epstein (General Manager of the Boston Red Sox). Ed introduced Alive with a few words about The West Memphis Three; proceeds from the two Boston shows will benefit their defense fund.

---

Ahaha, that Howard Zinn thing was just plain WEIRD.

And Last Exit > Hail Hail > Save You > DTE is just hyper insane crazy awesome shit.

I remember Ed fucked up the words to Lowlight. And he changed the words to "Untitled" so it had to do with voting. Which sucks because that "Untitled" is really a sweet song when Ed does the words as he usually does. Even though it's just a short improv intro song thing to MFC.

got a car...i got some gas
oh, let's get out of here...get out of here fast
ah, everyone's confused so i stay in my room
if i go, i don't want to go alone
i hope you got this message...oh, you're not home
i could be there in ten minutes, or so
oh, i got my things
we'll make it up as we go along
oh, with you i could never be alone
never be alone

Anyway. I found the setlist for night 2, also. I missed some cool stuff, some songs I like. Alone, which is a B-side that they haven't played live since like '94. Some more covers I don't know. And some more that I do. I Believe in Miracles. Rockin' in the Free World.
Missed Black, Lukin, and Man of the Hour acoustic. Also missed Corduroy, another of my favorites.

But I don't care, because I got Given to Fly *dies happy*, MFC, Evolution, Last Exit, Hail hail, save you... yeah, fuckin' whatever.
All of 'em.
I like my set better. So ha.

Edit: PICTURES. Eddie's in the foreground here, Jeff's in the background of that one, Stone's wearing red, Matt's the drummer, and Mike is the INSANE HYPER GUITAR GOD on the far left.

Edit 2: Somebody needs to drag me away from that Eddie photo. He could be my goddamn father. He's not supposed to look pretty.

Happy place.

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 22:31:11 GMT

I would have had absolutely no idea that last night actually happened if I hadn't woken up and found the T-shirt.

It was like some kind of freaky dream that just picks you up and drops you.
Off Balcony 330.

I feel the need to list some highs and lows. For my own purposes. Shuttup.

Lows:
-Everyone ignored Death Cab for Cutie.
-As for Pearl Jam... I wanted them to play something unexpected. Leash, some more B-sides. Stuff like that.
-I keep thinking of songs that I wish they had played.
-I acted like an idiot the whole time.
-Covers I didn't know. Would've preferred covers I knew.
-They didn't end with Yellow Ledbetter which totally threw me for a loop.
-I felt really fuckin' bad dragging Nate there.
-I read a review of the show, and apparently Ed played a solo introduction which I missed. Couldn't have been avoided, but sucks just the same.

Highs:
-I heart Death Cab. For Evar. Everyone ignored them, but they were awesome.
-As for Pearl Jam, they opened with Release. Sweet.
-lots of rocking songs! Last exit, hail hail, save you, do the evolution, even flow
-given to fly, love boat captain, and an acoustic set
-The band was all really freaking hyper. Especially Mike. He was running around the stage the whole time, and he OWNED the Evenflow solo. OWNED it. And Stone did the duck walk (um, I think) and Ed toasted things and passed around his wine during Crazy Mary and ranted and threw things and all the stuff I've heard about. And the audience all did the little tradition things, like raising your arms in a "V" for the Jeremy line, and shouting "HELLO!" for Small Town, and singing to Betterman. And stuff.
-Ed rants. Are awesome. And he has a journal. Ha. So emo.
-And, this is so materialistic but my T-shirt rocks. 'Cause it's not fuckin' ugly.

end transmission.

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 22:15:56 GMT

I. Got. Half-Life.

Don't expect to see me ever again.

Whatever social life I might have had is now gone.

Now. Back to shooting headcrabs.

Another cryptic one, but there's

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 21:17:30 GMT

So much to say, no one to tell.

Think about it.

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 00:33:12 GMT

Are you who you want to be?

Edit: Let me rephrase. Are you happy with who you are? What would you change or keep?

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 01:01:09 GMT

Girl's 911 plea for help prompts search

Holy shit, I'm scared.